this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
