Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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