Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize