I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
