So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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