I can text with my tongue
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
