We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
