I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
