just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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