If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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