Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
