worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
