Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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