hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
