his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
