low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
