its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
