new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
