I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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