At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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