My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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