I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
