She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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