just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
