Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
