I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
