sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
