the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
