I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
a search helicopter?!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
