I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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