you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
