So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
How does it feel to date your dad?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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