id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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