I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
