well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I faked an abortion last night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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