I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
