Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
