He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
