we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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