she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
