I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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