god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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