Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
