fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
