if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
