yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize