What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
