just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
