he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
