My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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