We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
