I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
