Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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