My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
