Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
