Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
