Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
