forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize