He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
