I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize