it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
