i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
