Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
