yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
