I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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