It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My cat gives me a boner
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
