Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize