RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
