The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
