he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
