Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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