i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
