I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
