Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
