haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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