We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Randomize
