I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
