ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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