arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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