Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
