with your own penis?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
