eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
