I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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