Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
