How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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