And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you will always have a special place in my vag
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
