Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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