yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
