I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
