i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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