peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
