From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
